[Effortpost] Street Harassment Don't Even Real. - Reddit.

Sophonax · 2012-05-24T08:20:18.887452+00:00

yep. Lost a good bit of respect for that friend that day.

FamnDamily · 2012-05-24T05:52:33.171575+00:00

There are such things as overreactions.

Yes there are, but the line doesn't get to be chosen by the oppressors.

love-shy-throwaway · 2012-05-24T05:10:49.367618+00:00

Maybe it's because I've grown up watching very female-friendly porn and fetishized the female orgasm, or because I've grown up in a misogynistic culture and listened to the rabid, vocal feminists a little too much,

"I'm anxious about my performance in bed, clearly this is the feminists' fault." The troubles you're having are perfectly natural and happen to a lot of us, there was no need to bring that in. Hell, if I'm any indication, it could even help you. The more feminist I've become, the better sex I've had. Anyway, this isn't the point.

I used to have a similar problem. At the time, I probably would have put my situation similarly. It kinda sounds like you're doing a bit of what I used to do - It's not quite a 'putting her on a pedestal' thing, but it's partially the same idea to a lesser degree. You're ignoring your own needs for hers - and you're afraid to fail. Afraid to mess up at all even. To be perfectly frank: I had to learn this the hard way. I've failed to pleasure a couple of women, and that was how I learned. A couple of bad sessions of sex won't kill you. It's not the end of the world. It's not even the end of the relationship in most cases. If anything, it can provide a good opportunity to talk with your partner.

Also important to learn: You will not have good sex with everyone you have sex with. There are some people you just aren't compatible with in bed, and this is ok.

Relax and enjoy your time with someone.

MSAV · 2012-05-24T04:43:37.399301+00:00

You need a best friend.

chucklebus · 2012-05-24T04:28:06.174259+00:00

At the very least each one of these violations would get you a swift ass-kicking and a good chunk of time in the slammer. So glad we're holding the police to a higher standard.

5minuteconsult · 2012-05-24T03:18:56.272344+00:00

Not that it actually does anything, but I find corgis to be a good mood lifter.

potato1 · 2012-05-24T00:28:47.421597+00:00

wat. go home.

Sophonax · 2012-05-24T00:27:47.661315+00:00

That woman is awesome! And good work on your part :D High fives for all three of you. :)

Sophonax · 2012-05-23T23:21:59.511786+00:00

Sophonax · 2012-05-23T22:54:12.526502+00:00

No problem. :) Feel free to drag me in if someone needs an object lesson. :)

steelgina · 2012-05-23T22:52:37.040608+00:00

It's not about community IRL so much as people who they can pick on for a change.

That's really a good point. Hugely unfortunate, but true. A lot of us nerds were bullied, and reddit does a good job at showing which of us would have done the same thing were the tables turned.

steelgina · 2012-05-23T22:50:56.476020+00:00

For as many nerds as there are on reddit, you'd hope that the responses to people who look, dress, or act differently would be less "Fuck you, you're different." and more "I know what it's like to be picked on for being different, why would I do this to someone else?"

Unfortunately, that's not generally the case around here.

A short list of popular hate-targets:

Tattoos ("Why would she mess up her body like that?")
Unusual piercings
Ear gauging (not sure on the term, whatever it is for the holes in the ears)
Hipster clothes (guilty of that myself sometimes - and this is whether or not there's any text associated)
English majors
Arts majors
Any major not Science, Tech, Engineering or Math

And that's not even getting into the 'ironic' minority jokes. "I'm not a *-ist, I just like telling *-ist jokes!"

I'd really love to think that my fellow nerds are above this shit, but we're just like any other grouping of humans. Some of us suck. (Edit: and a lot of us upvote shitty things but won't say them ourselves). And unfortunately on the internet, there isn't much stopping them from letting the rest of us know it. :/

Sophonax · 2012-05-23T22:35:08.299844+00:00

Sophonax · 2012-05-23T22:19:01.258670+00:00

You'll have to fight through my badass feminist girlfriend first, but <3 you too. :D

Sophonax · 2012-05-23T21:47:54.829451+00:00

Yup. Gapwick definitely has a stronger stomach than I do right now.

Sophonax · 2012-05-23T20:58:18.466745+00:00

Man here. Don't give a shit.

Every time someone says "I don't trust men by default because of <all the bad shit that's happened in their life>", some shithead has to pipe up with either "I'm not like that!" or "Hey, don't lump me in with those guys!"

Guess what?

They're perfectly aware that not all men are like that. Enough men are that it's not worth it to these women to give men the benefit of the doubt any more.
You're not the center of attention.
It's not directed at YOU.

Fuck.

SRS, I'm glad I found you. It's good to know there are other men out there who don't feel the need to butt in with some ignorant opinion about women every time a woman talks about her experience. It's good to know I'm not the only man who doesn't feel the need to explain 'well I'm different'. I'm glad I'm not the only man who doesn't feel threatened by women explaining threatening experiences perpetrated by men. I'm glad I'm not the only man who doesn't feel the need to pretend women are ignorant of the good men in the world and women just need those men pointed out for their own good.

Look, TheMathNerd, I'm gonna break the rules for you because you seem like you're at least trying to be a good person. I'll give you some honest advice: If you're not part of the problem, you have two options: shut the fuck up (which is basically minimum standards of decency), or go help take care of the problem.

No seriously:

Shut the fuck up. Women have heard this shit before. They're perfectly well aware that some of us men are not shitty people. Every time you pipe up with 'well, I'm good', you're distracting from the actually useful conversation. It's like going into a Lamaze class and telling the women there that your birth went smoothly, or like going into a math tutoring session and telling the students that math is easy for you. Good for you, but all you're doing is interrupting with shit that doesn't help.
Go help take care of the problem. Got any friends who leer over women right in front of em? Pop 'em a quick slap in the back of their head if they're dense, or say 'hey man, that's fucked up.' Got any shithead acquaintances that yell "NUDES" at Scarlett Johannsen at the theater? (fucking shitheads) Shut those losers down too.

You wanna call yourself a good person? Stop fucking talking about how good you are - especially where it doesn't add anything to the discussion - and go out and be how good you are.

Sophonax · 2012-05-23T20:47:49.937451+00:00

Correct, because as a man who doesn't take it personally when a woman says she feels threatened by most men, I don't really care what he's got to say. Goes double for the fact that he's not saying anything new. Goes quadruple for you. Have a nice day in some other subreddit.

bandman614 · 1 day

This article is great. Sometimes shit just happens. We're dealing with tens, or hundreds, or even thousands of machines that do billions of things per second, with all sorts of synchronous and asynchronous communication between them, and that's still leaving out the many layers of abstraction involved.

Some things you can plan for. Some things you can predict. Some you will not see coming, but you can fend them off in the future. Others still just have to be avoided.

It is madness (sparta blah blah) to insist that there be a single root cause or weak link in the human hierarchy to every incident. In my opinion, professionalism is due diligence. You do your best to reduce preventable mistakes and mitigate the damage caused by the unpredictable ones, all within the confines of the resources you can get at your disposal.

toofartofall2 · 1 day

Kate Beaton is outstanding and I am totally jealous.

HairyAlto · 1 day

Unfortunately that idea isn't supported by reality ,and only lowers your self esteem

It's pretty much true. People who learn or are taught to seek external reward have an extremely hard time being happy with themselves unless they have someone else telling them it's OK.

HairyAlto · 1 day

Way easier to commiserate about something when you frame it as something bad that happens to you (friendzoning) rather than something you participate in (a connection with another person in which there is no connection).

You don't get put in the friend-zone. You interact with someone in a way that demonstrates to them (intentionally or not) that you want to be friends. Alternatively, you're interacting with someone who is not attracted to you but finds you interesting enough to be a friend.

danger_mcboom · 1 day

Yeah, definitely not sweat-compatible. Though they would also definitely make me sweat double.

danger_mcboom · 1 day

Get some that are made for sweat. I love mine.

daffodilhill · 1 day

There's always the "But it's the natural way things work!" defense. Nevermind that shitting where you stand is also natural.

daffodilhill · 1 day

I really dislike the boy's club mentality that presents women as evil temptresses and men as innocent victims.

Right? "Feminists hate men, but I think men are uncontrollable animals no better than their base instincts!"

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