Can anyone give me advice on proper gifting etiquette and a Japanese roommate?

TocYounger · 3 months

over here in japan, people give each other gifts from trips. if you take a trip somewhere, bring back something that is unique to that specific region and give it to him. when you give it to him tell him some background info about the gift.

atgm · 3 months

Sounds like he's a nice guy. Just continue thanking him and bring him something (you can afford) whenever you go on trips or have an opportunity, like he does.

NinjaViking · 3 months

I wasn't raised in Japan, only half Japanese, but I think some sweets would be appropriate, especially bringing some regional stuff back from a trip.

Also, wrap them beautifully! That's very important in Japanese culture. Google "Japanese gift wrapping", it's a big thing over there.

Catfisherman · 3 months

Japanese people like to give small gifts to each other, particularly after trips out of town (as others have mentioned). Japanese people also are very humble and will play down their own actions and will likely attempt to refuse gifts in response to their kindness. Just insist that he take whatever your offering. If you want to shock him say "Oh-Ray-Nee" as you give him something, it translates, effectively, to "In thanks" but is super formal and will make his refusal an insult so he has to take it.

Meanwhile I don't think you're missing some important Japanese cultural aspect or anything.

falalamilkshake · 3 months

He sounds like a really nice guy! I was going to suggest come cooking, but I'm not sure that would work with you both working crazy hours and the cookies just bringing you more things, haha. Buuut, Japanese people tend to like making nice dinners for friends and hanging out. So, maybe something like that but without the 'oh, this is to say thank you for...'?

Koyore · 3 months

gifting is a difficult matter-too little is an insult, but too much is also, and forces the gifting to increase. gift small things-a flower arrangement, stationary, nice pen, etc. Just leave it for him-as he does you. You can also google Japanese holidays-tons of them, and gift on that date. He see the clothes as a friendly gesture-not the retail value-so do not get pricey with him.

wonkydonky · 3 months

It's called the "infinite gift spiral".

In Japan, when somebody gives you a gift, you must give them a return gift. When someone gives you a return gift, you must give them a return return gift. Repeat ad infinitum. The return gift should be roughly in equal value to the gift that was previously given.

Now, this presents a conundrum. If you give a gift that is too expensive, then it's actually a burden on the other person. Also, when you give someone gifts, you have to really play it down very convincingly that it's nothing major, that it's something you just had laying around, that it's not a big deal. Maybe it was just lying around; maybe it wasn't. You have to look at the situation and figure out what's really going on.

You said he works in the fashion industry. In the fashion industry, the retail markup is huge, and the cost of manufacture is virtually negligible, so it's likely that these name-brand designer outfits he has are actually only worth ~$5 or less to him, even though they're $200+ per item for other people.

You said you have a boyfriend and he's well aware of it. It seems to me that he just likes giving gifts (as Japanese are wont to do). It seems like he's just a nice and polite guy and I would not think too much of it.

You should get him some gifts back. Particularly good gifts would be things from your hometown, or souvenirs from any time you visit some place. Additionally, you could try baking him a cake or something like that. I'm not sure exactly how much name-brand designer outfits cost for people in the industry, but you could probably do some google-fu to figure that sort of thing out, and find out an appropriate price range for reciprocal gifts.

It's an endless cycle and you can never leave it. Sorry, but you're stuck for life :(

(Also, I suspect that he's homosexual. Japanese are very discrete about this sort of thing, so it's possible that you'd never notice if he were. You have to use a very finely tuned gaydar.)

If you want to reciprocate his kindness, you could go out of your way to be very quiet in the apartment. Silence in domiciles is something that is the norm in Japan, yet quite different in the West. Of course, maybe he's a rock star and this doesn't apply. :P

zaphod777 · 3 months

typically in Japan you will give a gift back each time. It doesn't necessarily matter how much since it was free to him.

If you are out of town bring something interesting back but in the mean time maybe pick him up something related to what he is interested in or offer for you and your boyfriend to take him out for dinner sometime.

TheEvilDick · 3 months

I was going to make an evil comment about it not being sexual for you or about it being an apology because he's wearing/doing things in your cloths while you're gone. But dammit people have been so nice on here they're taking the fun out of my internet. I'll be sulking in my corner if anyone needs an evil smartass comment.

NixonInhell · 3 months

Why do you have to do it the Japanese way? Show him some US hospitality. What would you do if he was American? Do that.

Misaiato · 3 months

Japanese people appreciate expensive alcohol. Find out what he likes to drink, and find a bottle of that brand which is nicely wrapped and packaged and present it to him.

Whiskey is very popular as it's expensive over there due to import duties, and their native branded whiskies are understood to be inferior to brands from EU nations or even from the US. He may or may not like this - but he will appreciate the gesture and at a minimum you gave him something he can re-gift to great effect.

(re-gifting is very common - just don't re-gift it to someone he knows!)

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